Yesterday D and I were having a conversation. A conversation about our work, our reason, our destiny here on earth. While listening to him I could relate to his sharing and it was like if I was listening to myself. Myself from a few years ago, myself from a week ago and myself from the day before, different parts of myself, different parts of my thoughts. Always when I’m in a dialogue it feels like a monologue. I have the impression that whatever I am putting out into the world, I am trying to ‘convince’ myself with the same words. And this makes sense: it is just an expression of who I am and what I think I know. And in the end the other person is just a reflection of myself.
Maybe I need to break it down a bit.
Once I read the quote: “we can only meet another as far as we met ourselves”. To put it very simple: as a teenager we can’t give advice how to make love to our friend if we haven’t experienced it yet ourselves. And when we did experience it, we are telling our friend all the ‘secrets’ how to do it. But actually our friend needs to experience the lovemaking by himself, to really understand what it is to make love. And by us making love once or twice or a thousand times, does that really makes us an expert on this subject?
We are trying to give advice
(asked and unasked…) because we THINK we know (better), or we have the solution.
We are claiming the power of the other.
Or we are the one that asks for advice, because we don’t trust in our feelings, experiences and instincts. In this case we are giving our power to the external, to another, something outside ourselves.
In the end it comes down to the same thing: we are questioning ourselves or we are questioning the other. Another question for us: why?
As I sat with D, I tried to not give advice, I tried not to know better and I tried to be careful with the words I chose. Whatever I share I use the words: ‘for my belief’, ‘from my point of view’, ‘from my experience’. I do this because for me this reasoning might be right – but it doesn’t mean that for him it is as well. I want to share what I feel inside, I do not want to teach or heal, for I am JUST a human being, with the experiences that has been given to me. Every human being goes through his own experiences, discovering the beauty within. All the answers we are looking for are within, all the answers to our questions are buried in our heart and it is up to us to look within. I often have to remember myself that I do not even have to question, I do not have to seek as they are mind made processes. The heart always reveals the answers whenever the time is right.